Archive for growth

what if I was a Dr.?

Posted in career, dreams with tags , , on May 27, 2018 by jengrabesculpture

If I was a Doctor what would I be doing? This is not the first time this idea has occurred to me. I had a dream about it years ago, that I still remember quite vividly. I was wearing a white coat and going from room to room examing patients with a team of nurses,  I was telling them what was to be done for the patient, most of the treatments that I recommended were with the use of natural remedies.  Strange that it wasn’t using allopathic medicine.  Maybe these were hopeless cases or maybe the treatment was simple enough that it could be used, or maybe the patients simply could not afford traditional medicine.  For whatever the reason, I had the answers, I knew how to diagnose and I recommended the remedy. That is a good feeling to be respected. It’s also a good feeling to have useful information that can help someone or possibly save their life. Some of these patients had bedsores so deep that you could see their bone.  I was a compassionate caregiver in my dream.

Along the same lines of helping someone in a medical capacity I had thought about having a Doctoral in Education and worked as a research assistant for a time. That one experience changed my mind about doing doctoral research because of the exhausting process of helping someone else achieve their dream, I didn’t have the strength to do it for myself.

Other times I have been approached by someone in private and asked for counsel. So these experiences made me think I might like being a Psychiatrist. I was beside myself to give any tangible advice to anyone at the time. It always seems to me that it was just at that moment a perfect stranger trusted me enough to share a confidence. It happened so much that I thought hey I should be getting paid for this!  Once again I had the remedy, even though I wasn’t aware. I don’t feel I would be much help to a person who was terribly sick however, like someone with an aberrant behavior problem. I will leave that level of abnormal psychology to the forensic experts.

At the heart of what each human needs is just someone to listen. Someone to withhold judgment for a moment and let them just share what is on their heart. This is a very difficult thing to do because if we feel uncomfortable we want to say or do something to exit the conversation. If however, we do stay and try not to solve the problem for them, something very significant happens. They find a solution themselves. We can ask a series of questions that can be helpful to guide them but ultimately it is their decision which direction they want to take with their problem. We can help them isolate the feeling and feel it for that 50 minutes in conversation.

Being a classroom teacher for ESL has brought me into some very deep discussions with my students. What can start out as general topics for discussion in the thought process of opening up can trigger some memories that people have remained closed up about. So, we cannot predict what people might say when we invite or give them the opportunity to say whats on their mind.

At present, I don’t have the answer for what kind of Dr. I would be. What I do know is that I have the desire, whether I have the steam or not to do it? That  is a mystery.blog

healthy dependency or unhealthy addiction?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 20, 2015 by jengrabesculpture

Taking some huge baby steps in the path of recovery. I had a huge awakening this morning as a I read in the very popular book by Melody Beattie “The New Codependency”.  It turns out that most recovering alcoholics and addicts (of which I am one) have codependency  underneath.  It caused me to question if I am addicted or pseudo addicted. I don’t need to drink and I have flattered myself for thinking that I didn’t have a drinking problem. When I attended AA meetings , I did not feel as if I belonged there, and felt more at home at the al Anon meetings.Eventually it led to me realizing there was a spiritual problem that I was grappling with. I realized I was drinking and taking drugs to deal with emotional pain caused by codependent behaviors that hurt. It looks like I am drinking alcoholically , and drug seeking, but I am drinking or using drugs to medicate pain that really hurts. When the pain is adequately medicated or stops , my drug seeking and alcoholic drinking stops too. The easiest way to decide is if we can stop with no problem. If we can, we are not addicted. This is how to tell if we have a healthy dependency or an unhealthy addiction, according to Dr. Forest Tennant an addiction and pain management specialist who understands codependency and chronic illnesses: a) healthy dependency on anything improves while addiction destroys our quality of life and ability to function. b) loss of control accompanies addiction.

…you always hurt the ones you love…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 3, 2013 by jengrabesculpture

The dating scene.  I am a regular member and have been for over 16 years.  Oh yeah, except for that brief time I was married so long ago I barely remember what’s his name.  It’s a pity that once people who were lovers don’t speak to each other anymore.  Why is that ? We exchanged the most intimate parts of our body with another human being but we cannot talk with that person? I suppose it’s true that you always hurt those closest to you.  Perhaps the shame that you both share or the disappointment makes it too difficult to see them in any other light than an outsider.  Where is the love to change all that and make things different?  How are some folks able to do that and not others?  What makes us so different from each other and yet the same?  Just some thoughts on the subject.  I don’t have any answers in time it will all make sense. How are some couples able to bounce back from those differences and others are driven apart?  Life as a single girl has its ups and downs.  Here’s me, not at my finest hour, but hey heartbreak hotel ain’t a nice place to hang out!Image

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