better friends than lover?

Posted in love, relationships, sex with tags , , , on February 24, 2026 by jengrabesculpture

There is one reason I think that  women are sometimes better remaining friends with a man than a lover.  A man might ask a woman to talk with him, so she makes herself available to talk.  However, what might be the difference if she were in love with him, or he with her?  Intimacy might be more challenging.  If he is in love with her could it be easy for a man to talk to a woman? Or could it be more difficult?  He wants to come to her , to  tell her all of his troubles and naturally so, but maybe the pressure of being in love with her makes having real intimacy more difficult.  Also if she is in love with him I think she might find it more difficult to meet him halfway in a conversation.  I am just speculating here, but hear me out. There are more complex issues at play when people think or feel that they are in love.

We all get tired sometimes and just don’t want to talk, we just want to ‘be’. In less complex relationships it can be easier to just honestly say how we feel, straight out, without fear of hurting another persons feelings.  There are varying degrees to what we can give in regards to listening.

What could that mean to a person who needs to de-stress by talking?  Some people need to be with someone and talk it out.  Tonight a friend of mine, who I have been talking to for some time, asked me if I was available to talk.  I said yes, and as we talked for a while, I did not feel like getting that intimate and felt myself slipping away and so I wanted to leave the conversation.  I see a pattern and there are silences getting more frequent between the replies. Instead of being patient and letting him continue to talk, I cut him off and then suggested that we call it a night. I wound up feeling as  if  I failed as a friend and as a lover ; I am truly sorry.

Sometimes we are talking around each other in a conversation to fill the space, and sometimes we are really talking to each other.  Listening with intent.

So what is happening when we don’t want to listen anymore? What is happening intimately when we are not listening and we don’t want to talk? It could be many factors.

Intimacy is difficult to attain, vulnerability even more difficult. It must be voluntary and reciprocal to reach a meeting of the minds.

Bernie mittens and hat

Posted in Uncategorized on February 23, 2026 by jengrabesculpture

I just finished a lovely warm beanie green colour wool mixture very soft beanie and mittens it’s for a large as I made it for medium to large hands and medium to large head shoot me a message and we will negotiate a price!

Makes a very nice gift for someone still in winter.

Green beanie and mittens

I’m back!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 20, 2026 by jengrabesculpture

I was never far away I just had to take a break .

Been working on some new projects and wanted to show each and everyone of course they’re always for sale but with my carpal tunnel I will have to do drawing for now and perhaps some clay work.

Also I’ve been working on making some fibre arts.

Here’s an example of one it’s a reversible beanie very soft and warm let me know if that interests you

Sincerely Jen

reversible beanie $35 

The Days…

Posted in Uncategorized on May 12, 2019 by jengrabesculpture
“The days of wine and roses laugh and run away like a child at play
Through the meadow land toward a closing door
A door marked “nevermore” that wasn’t there before
The lone-ly night discloses just a passing breeze filled with memories
Of the golden smile that introduced me to
The days of wine and roses and you
The days of wine and roses

The lonely – the night discloses just a passing breeze filled with memories
Of the golden smile that introduced me to
The days of wine and roses and you”
-Songwriters: Henry N. Mancini / Johnny Mercer
486442_404807709581668_1598330914_n
Thinking back on our yesterday ,drowning in the sweet sadness, of our time
…a painting for you , two very different forms, a ghostly figure in between
what we are to each other…
 three bottles and a mirrored  reflection
a table between the sun and the moon
reflections of each other
what we didn’t want to see is there
Can you ever forgive me?
 sweet peace in ignorance
we laughed and smiled at each other
so close
two lost empty souls
so far away from knowing who we are
seeing through that glass darkly
sweet peace to you my friend
May it find you
we may walk away
never from ourselves
and in our reflection find that truth that eludes us
looking into that glass darkly now
but one day we shall know as we are known

10 things I love/hate about you Korea no.2

Posted in food, Korea, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 5, 2018 by jengrabesculpture

Dang it Korea, I come from North America where no table setting is complete without salt and pepper shakers. I hate it that I go into a Korean restaurant and there are no salt and pepper shakers.  I really want something salty. I don’t care for sweet food all the time. It seems that most of the food in Korea is on the sweet or bitter and fermented side.  Salt is apparantly a no-no here. Now here is the conundrum, if you go into any local Korean market  you can find any kind of salt you want. There are so many kinds of salt up to and including bamboo salt, natural salt, rock salt, crushed salt, pink salt and the list goes on….Why don’t they put some of that lovely stuff on the tables?  I don’t know why.  Apparantly it is used in Kimchi making. So there is an extensive market for salt in the use of Kimchi. If you buy Korean made Lays brand chips they are on the sweet side.  Those of us who appreciate American made salty chips end up spitting out the K (Korean) brand. They have honey butter chips that are super popular. However good luck finding good old Sour Cream and Onion, Chedder and Sour Cream, Salt and Vinegar, and My personal favorite Dill Pickle.  Only the International markets or Costco carry them.  So…

chips close colors crisps

Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com

thank you Korea for keeping my salt intake at a minimum, I love you for being super health conscious, but I hate you for forcing me to do it at the expense of my need for savory chips!

10 things I love/hate about you Korea! No. 1

Posted in beauty, Korea, life, mind & spirit, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 31, 2018 by jengrabesculpture

Now that I am coming to the end of my gap year that has been extended (to include another year plus 6 months)….

I am deeply reflecting on the time I have been here. I was so excited and fresh faced when I stepped off the plane on April 17, 2016.  After a week of Jet Lag, training, sharing an apartment with 6 other people literally crammed into our 3 BR apt with beds jammed up next to each other….it was quite a culture shock.  After a while I began to see that this would become the new normal.  People everywhere, sharing spaces, small spaces with even smaller dimensions.  There seemed to be no apparant rules to movement on the side walk, no following the rules of walking on the left passing on the right. I can’t tell you how many times someone stopped literally right in front of me to talk on their phone. Hey how about pulling over to the right or left? No. No such courtesy rule exists here. People who are used to it just flow around the obstacle like water.

buildings city city view cityscape

Photo by Tranmautritam on Pexels.com

The architecture and beauty became my saving grace. I began to love ‘the Land of the Morning Calm”. I am sure it was like that at one time. In the city the last word I would use to describe Seoul is ‘calm’.   If I could step back in time before the hustle bustle, the industrial growth and all that is South Korea now, I maybe could experience the calm.  In the country exists a quiet and calm. One time I was in Yangpyeong it was truly restful and calm.  The journey has been an interesting one. This is my first trip across the ocean outside of my native North America.

 

 

beautiful daylight fall korea

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

what if I was a Dr.?

Posted in career, dreams with tags , , on May 27, 2018 by jengrabesculpture

If I was a Doctor what would I be doing? This is not the first time this idea has occurred to me. I had a dream about it years ago, that I still remember quite vividly. I was wearing a white coat and going from room to room examing patients with a team of nurses,  I was telling them what was to be done for the patient, most of the treatments that I recommended were with the use of natural remedies.  Strange that it wasn’t using allopathic medicine.  Maybe these were hopeless cases or maybe the treatment was simple enough that it could be used, or maybe the patients simply could not afford traditional medicine.  For whatever the reason, I had the answers, I knew how to diagnose and I recommended the remedy. That is a good feeling to be respected. It’s also a good feeling to have useful information that can help someone or possibly save their life. Some of these patients had bedsores so deep that you could see their bone.  I was a compassionate caregiver in my dream.

Along the same lines of helping someone in a medical capacity I had thought about having a Doctoral in Education and worked as a research assistant for a time. That one experience changed my mind about doing doctoral research because of the exhausting process of helping someone else achieve their dream, I didn’t have the strength to do it for myself.

Other times I have been approached by someone in private and asked for counsel. So these experiences made me think I might like being a Psychiatrist. I was beside myself to give any tangible advice to anyone at the time. It always seems to me that it was just at that moment a perfect stranger trusted me enough to share a confidence. It happened so much that I thought hey I should be getting paid for this!  Once again I had the remedy, even though I wasn’t aware. I don’t feel I would be much help to a person who was terribly sick however, like someone with an aberrant behavior problem. I will leave that level of abnormal psychology to the forensic experts.

At the heart of what each human needs is just someone to listen. Someone to withhold judgment for a moment and let them just share what is on their heart. This is a very difficult thing to do because if we feel uncomfortable we want to say or do something to exit the conversation. If however, we do stay and try not to solve the problem for them, something very significant happens. They find a solution themselves. We can ask a series of questions that can be helpful to guide them but ultimately it is their decision which direction they want to take with their problem. We can help them isolate the feeling and feel it for that 50 minutes in conversation.

Being a classroom teacher for ESL has brought me into some very deep discussions with my students. What can start out as general topics for discussion in the thought process of opening up can trigger some memories that people have remained closed up about. So, we cannot predict what people might say when we invite or give them the opportunity to say whats on their mind.

At present, I don’t have the answer for what kind of Dr. I would be. What I do know is that I have the desire, whether I have the steam or not to do it? That  is a mystery.blog

Manchild of wonder…

Posted in Uncategorized on January 7, 2018 by jengrabesculpture
“Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar…
So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There’ll be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through…”-In the circle game
Songwriter: Joni Mitchell
My dear boy, I remember the day you were born into this world. You were very much wanted and I felt it an honor to protect and care for you. Your energy  was boundless and life was a wonder for you. Everyone you met had the most lovely things to say about you and your success was ensured. My dear mother said that you didn’t like to be dragged around the countryside, that you needed home and hearth and you would thrive. She was so correct in her estimation and God love her, she tried to raise me right. For reasons known only to you, I dragged you around from pillar to post and we lived a life on the run. Real and contrived fear of being abducted. Even after there was no longer the threat. How many times can I say I’m sorry? Words fail me. To your credit you have become a respected and successful human being. My father’s prophetic blessing given to me on his deathbed has materialized in you and your sister. I am proud to have carried the child that would one day become such a blessing to so many. Carry on and continue to dream and wonder…your life is only beginning!

healthy dependency or unhealthy addiction?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 20, 2015 by jengrabesculpture

Taking some huge baby steps in the path of recovery. I had a huge awakening this morning as a I read in the very popular book by Melody Beattie “The New Codependency”.  It turns out that most recovering alcoholics and addicts (of which I am one) have codependency  underneath.  It caused me to question if I am addicted or pseudo addicted. I don’t need to drink and I have flattered myself for thinking that I didn’t have a drinking problem. When I attended AA meetings , I did not feel as if I belonged there, and felt more at home at the al Anon meetings.Eventually it led to me realizing there was a spiritual problem that I was grappling with. I realized I was drinking and taking drugs to deal with emotional pain caused by codependent behaviors that hurt. It looks like I am drinking alcoholically , and drug seeking, but I am drinking or using drugs to medicate pain that really hurts. When the pain is adequately medicated or stops , my drug seeking and alcoholic drinking stops too. The easiest way to decide is if we can stop with no problem. If we can, we are not addicted. This is how to tell if we have a healthy dependency or an unhealthy addiction, according to Dr. Forest Tennant an addiction and pain management specialist who understands codependency and chronic illnesses: a) healthy dependency on anything improves while addiction destroys our quality of life and ability to function. b) loss of control accompanies addiction.

my melancholy deepens…

Posted in art, beauty, life, love, relationships, sex, Uncategorized on June 1, 2014 by jengrabesculpture

my melancholy deepens at a time when all I wanted was to be well.  I’ve lost all sense of pride and have fallen into a deep well from which I cannot escape; nor do I want to. Once all I had was pride, now broken, I find  no mend for these shards of a shattered cistern. Is this what it feels like to be truly free? Where is my happiness? From whence this deep sadness, this prolonged grieving for a life not lived? I have lived, I have enjoyed myself, is this a price that must be payed now for having felt happiness?  Was I ever truly happy? Once by your side under the oaks I felt a deep and tender happiness…we shared a brief moment  and time stood still…  a time of secret ecstasy. Two hearts that beat as one I was so warm in your presence and  so accepted let me be buried under those same oaks and know the peace it is just to be near you in death as well as life.

 “It’s not for me to say you’ll love me, it’s not for me to say you’ll always care…as far as I can see this is heaven and speaking just for me it’s ours to share… Perhaps the glow of love will grow with every passing day or we may never meet again, but then it’s not for me to say.”

Is the happiness that I have known all that I shall receive?  Can  more be granted when I have frittered so much away and taken it all for granted?  Am I missing it in my melancholy?  I have not learned nor have i entered into the gift to be content in want and plenty. All around me is blue, my pictures my colors have turned to gray , ashen ghosts follow me.  Too much use of vibrant red has spoiled the canvas now the painful process of  scraping away  working back into the white and ashen ghosts of the canvas of yesterday…