There is one reason I think that women are sometimes better remaining friends with a man than a lover. A man might ask a woman to talk with him, so she makes herself available to talk. However, what might be the difference if she were in love with him, or he with her? Intimacy might be more challenging. If he is in love with her could it be easy for a man to talk to a woman? Or could it be more difficult? He wants to come to her , to tell her all of his troubles and naturally so, but maybe the pressure of being in love with her makes having real intimacy more difficult. Also if she is in love with him I think she might find it more difficult to meet him halfway in a conversation. I am just speculating here, but hear me out. There are more complex issues at play when people think or feel that they are in love.
We all get tired sometimes and just don’t want to talk, we just want to ‘be’. In less complex relationships it can be easier to just honestly say how we feel, straight out, without fear of hurting another persons feelings. There are varying degrees to what we can give in regards to listening.
What could that mean to a person who needs to de-stress by talking? Some people need to be with someone and talk it out. Tonight a friend of mine, who I have been talking to for some time, asked me if I was available to talk. I said yes, and as we talked for a while, I did not feel like getting that intimate and felt myself slipping away and so I wanted to leave the conversation. I see a pattern and there are silences getting more frequent between the replies. Instead of being patient and letting him continue to talk, I cut him off and then suggested that we call it a night. I wound up feeling as if I failed as a friend and as a lover ; I am truly sorry.
Sometimes we are talking around each other in a conversation to fill the space, and sometimes we are really talking to each other. Listening with intent.
So what is happening when we don’t want to listen anymore? What is happening intimately when we are not listening and we don’t want to talk? It could be many factors.
Intimacy is difficult to attain, vulnerability even more difficult. It must be voluntary and reciprocal to reach a meeting of the minds.
jengrabesculpture 