Archive for the love, relationships, sex Category

better friends than lover?

Posted in love, relationships, sex with tags , , , on February 24, 2026 by jengrabesculpture

There is one reason I think that  women are sometimes better remaining friends with a man than a lover.  A man might ask a woman to talk with him, so she makes herself available to talk.  However, what might be the difference if she were in love with him, or he with her?  Intimacy might be more challenging.  If he is in love with her could it be easy for a man to talk to a woman? Or could it be more difficult?  He wants to come to her , to  tell her all of his troubles and naturally so, but maybe the pressure of being in love with her makes having real intimacy more difficult.  Also if she is in love with him I think she might find it more difficult to meet him halfway in a conversation.  I am just speculating here, but hear me out. There are more complex issues at play when people think or feel that they are in love.

We all get tired sometimes and just don’t want to talk, we just want to ‘be’. In less complex relationships it can be easier to just honestly say how we feel, straight out, without fear of hurting another persons feelings.  There are varying degrees to what we can give in regards to listening.

What could that mean to a person who needs to de-stress by talking?  Some people need to be with someone and talk it out.  Tonight a friend of mine, who I have been talking to for some time, asked me if I was available to talk.  I said yes, and as we talked for a while, I did not feel like getting that intimate and felt myself slipping away and so I wanted to leave the conversation.  I see a pattern and there are silences getting more frequent between the replies. Instead of being patient and letting him continue to talk, I cut him off and then suggested that we call it a night. I wound up feeling as  if  I failed as a friend and as a lover ; I am truly sorry.

Sometimes we are talking around each other in a conversation to fill the space, and sometimes we are really talking to each other.  Listening with intent.

So what is happening when we don’t want to listen anymore? What is happening intimately when we are not listening and we don’t want to talk? It could be many factors.

Intimacy is difficult to attain, vulnerability even more difficult. It must be voluntary and reciprocal to reach a meeting of the minds.

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my melancholy deepens…

Posted in art, beauty, life, love, relationships, sex, Uncategorized on June 1, 2014 by jengrabesculpture

my melancholy deepens at a time when all I wanted was to be well.  I’ve lost all sense of pride and have fallen into a deep well from which I cannot escape; nor do I want to. Once all I had was pride, now broken, I find  no mend for these shards of a shattered cistern. Is this what it feels like to be truly free? Where is my happiness? From whence this deep sadness, this prolonged grieving for a life not lived? I have lived, I have enjoyed myself, is this a price that must be payed now for having felt happiness?  Was I ever truly happy? Once by your side under the oaks I felt a deep and tender happiness…we shared a brief moment  and time stood still…  a time of secret ecstasy. Two hearts that beat as one I was so warm in your presence and  so accepted let me be buried under those same oaks and know the peace it is just to be near you in death as well as life.

 “It’s not for me to say you’ll love me, it’s not for me to say you’ll always care…as far as I can see this is heaven and speaking just for me it’s ours to share… Perhaps the glow of love will grow with every passing day or we may never meet again, but then it’s not for me to say.”

Is the happiness that I have known all that I shall receive?  Can  more be granted when I have frittered so much away and taken it all for granted?  Am I missing it in my melancholy?  I have not learned nor have i entered into the gift to be content in want and plenty. All around me is blue, my pictures my colors have turned to gray , ashen ghosts follow me.  Too much use of vibrant red has spoiled the canvas now the painful process of  scraping away  working back into the white and ashen ghosts of the canvas of yesterday…

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it’s a dirty business

Posted in friends, family, love, relationships, sex on December 18, 2013 by jengrabesculpture

vintage datingOnline dating has taught me many things the first being that it is a dirty business. A great deal of dating websites are deceptive in their advertising. Once they get all of your profile information is when they inform you that you will have to pay to answer or contact any of the other persons on the site. That, my friend is the reason I have been on the only truly free dating website most of my single life. First of all, its kind of a false environment. People can be anything they want to be on the internet. I have met a few sincere people in person that I met on line in my experience. That being said, I am not jaded, as much as I am realistic in my expectations. I didn’t get a paid subscription till recently. I spent the $20 because the letters had piled up in my inbox and I was curious to read each one. I only got a subscription for one month. Just the possibility of meeting someone decent fueled my curiosity. Out of 100 items of fodder and fluff in the form of smiles, cards, and notes I was able to glean about five sincere notes of significance. I answered every card, smile and note just to say a thank you even if I wasn’t interested. It was worth it to spend twenty dollars to glean five real friendships.
I want most of all to be friends first and then I might be ready for something more!
Gone are the days when mutual attraction was a gauge for how to measure a person. In this day and age when a person can plagiarize or steal someone else’s identity with ease, as you could imagine I am guarded in my estimation of people. I solicited a background check before dating someone. All it takes is one bad experience and thereafter I proceed with caution. I say this laughing because I can laugh about it now. I am friends with many officers of the law and thanks to their expertise I have been able to avoid any possible danger. Now it just comes down to common sense in regards to getting to know someone.
The best online clubs do just that. They encourage and foster friendships. Like in real life groups are a good place to meet eligible singletons. Everyone knows someone who is single. Its a fairly safe environment to get to know someone. Girls become friends rather than competition. We help each other in our search and can recommend and keep each other safe. Without endorsing any particular club I will say that what I look for I would recommend an online dating service that acts more like a club. Real people get together off line and have an activity together. There is always a monitor in the chat room to keep things respectful. When you report someone, they are investigated by a specialist on the site and if found to be in violation of club rules are removed.
Overall it has been a positive experience even with all the romance scammers out there . As Kelly Clarkson put  it so well: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Next time I hope to talk about how to set up a decent profile, as well as cues to look for in profiles that are just out and out , “wrong”.